


Chapter Fifteen: Here I Am

by Melodielgrace



Category: None - Fandom
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 01:16:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16007243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melodielgrace/pseuds/Melodielgrace





	Chapter Fifteen: Here I Am

Andy announced the funeral plans and added in my request about dressing colourfully while I had a shower. I then rummaged through the clothes in their bedroom. Mostly unisex, but with specifically gendered items to their own wardrobes. I pick out a gold dress that I know Ruby would love and it fits me pretty well. I had to look in other rooms for shoes my size – high heels the same colour as the dress, thankfully, but my main worry is how long I can last in them.  
A short while later Baby gives us a reminder of the time, it starts in 45 minutes. While I’m alone in Andy’s room – our room? - Baby congratulates me personally at the end of the announcement.  
“How did- “  
“I know everything about everyone on board. Well, data that the Med Machines submit. Also, I am in every room at all times, I hear things.”  
Well, I guess I can’t really be mad at a program. “Oh. I don’t know if it’s a thing to celebrate. I guess, since Sasha won’t let me abort…I’m going to have to have this kid, aren’t I?” I ask grimly.  
It’s a few seconds before Baby answers. “I’m sorry, Emoni. But, she is right; her personal beliefs aside, the procedure is illegal not only in space but also aboard Ships.”  
“The things they did to me in MAZ were illegal.” Spoken out loud, this seems like a very ‘she-hit-me-first-so-i-hit-back’ response.  
“The good guys have to fight fair, Em.”  
Are we the ‘Good Guys’?  
“Andy’s on their way here. Check in later.”  
The door opens and Andy walks in wearing a silver tunic with pale blue leggings or tights and…they actually look kinda good. Or maybe I’m just thinking that because Andy is a ‘Good Gu’- ‘Person’. ‘Cyborg’?  
“Hey.” I take their outreached hand and pull us into a hug.  
“Hey.” I speak into their shoulder. The shoes I’m wearing make us about the same height now. As good as this hug is, I know it can’t last forever.  
“Andy, there is somewhat of a scene outside, you’re needed immediately.”  
“Okay, Baby, thanks.” To me they say “You should probably wait here. I’ll come get you when everything’s settled.”  
Once they leave the room I ask Baby what’s happening.  
“I’m not permitted to tell you that. Perhaps when you and Andy become closer you will gain more authority regarding the Ship and myself; most of the Escapees think you’re their leader.”  
‘“Saviour’.” I correct. “I should probably work out what I’m going to say for Ruby…”  
I don’t wait very long until Andy comes in with two other people behind them. I know that they’re not from the Ship just by looking at their clothes.  
The shorter of the two is covered entirely by a commonplace black hooded cloak, with her face the only skin on display. Her skin is extraordinary; sprinkled with the most gorgeous markings I have ever seen. Surely not scars, for they are so black they look painted onto her tawny skin, which adds drama to her blue eyes.  
The other one is similar to Andy’s build. She is wearing a midi dress the same reddish-copper shade as her long, thick hair, which is tied into a cute but messy bun. A dark blue chain runs across her left cheek to the left ear, startling against her soft chestnut skin. Silver and blue gems form her eyebrows and frames her golden eyes.  
“Emoni, I’d like you to meet Devinia,” -the smaller woman curtseys- “and Jaala.” The bejewelled one nods humbly. “They have been wandering the desert here, lost for weeks. When we came across you, some of the people setting up got…-”  
“Territorial.” Jaala puts forward with a slight eye roll.  
“Defensive.” Andy revises. “I explained to them the sensitivity of the situation right now, and of course they don’t want to cause any trouble. They’re tired, and hungry, so I decided to let them use our facilities.”  
“And I would like to assist in some way,” says Devinia. “to show our appreciation for your kindness.”  
Andy turns to me. “Would you like to join me in giving them a tour of the Ship?”  
“Sure.” Better than sitting alone with my feelings.  
We guide them to the kitchen where they apologise for eating sloppily, then we take them past the bedrooms and down to the Med Room where we meet Sasha.  
While Devinia and Jaala have gone to take showers, and Andy has left momentarily to go check something in the control room with Baby, they’ve left me waiting with Sasha.  
“I’m sorry for my outburst, before.” I apologise.  
She hugs me and says “No, Emoni, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t’ve said what I did.”  
“Well, neither should I. People can change, and sometimes I forget that I have to let them.”  
“Oh, darling, thank you, but I still shouldn’t’ve pushed my opinions on you.” She squeezes tightly to end the hug and lets me go.  
“So we’re both really sorry, we’ll just leave it at that.” I laugh.  
“Yeah.” Sasha agrees. “I really am sorry that you have to deal with this now. And my attitude wouldn’t’ve helped.”  
“It’s okay, my own attitude isn’t making things any better. I’m just…stuck. I feel like I’m stuck in a timeless, lengthless loop of like 3 or 4 specific moments where I just felt horrible, and it keeps replaying. And I can’t focus on one thing because all these stupid feelings are connected, so I have to feel them all at 100% all the time but there’s too many emotions so in the end I just feel numb.”  
Wow, where did that come from? I mean it is the truth, it is exactly what I’m feeling but saying it out loud feels like my mouth is betraying my heart.  
“Oh, sweetheart! I can’t imagine what that’s like…I don’t know wat to say; I’m sorry.” She bows her head and we both stay silent for a long few seconds.  
“I could offer you some antidepressants?” Sasha suggests, to my surprise. “To dial down the intensity of how you feel emotions so strongly. I’m sure I could also find something to help with pregnancy pains.”  
“That sounds like a plan. Thanks.”  
Just as I think ‘how long does it take to have a shower?’ Jaala enters the room, dressed in our plain pyjamas.  
“Hmm, that was very refreshing. Thank you again for letting us in.”  
“Oh, it’s no problem, really.” Sasha nods.  
Jaala smiles shyly. Her not-quite-red hair sticks in places on her face and down her neck, not yet dry. The jewels on her face haven’t budged despite the water, or she’s re-applied them. Jaala notices me noticing them.  
“They represent my rank in the Royal Guard.” Her eyes widen as if she said something she shouldn’t have.  
“Do you and Devinia work together for the Bexley Family?” I ask.  
Jaala clears her throat and shifts on her feet. “Yes.”  
“Cool.” I attempt lamely.  
“That’s how we met, actually.” Devinia chimes in, hugging Jaala from behind. She is also wearing the pyjamas, with her own gloves added.  
I see Jaala blush at the affection.  
“Well,” I say. “You have come at a rather difficult time. I’ve got a funeral to go to. We all do, really. But you two please feel free to stay inside and rest.” I’m so not ready for this, I think, walking away.  
This has been a nice distraction, but now it’s time to head back to the real world, which blinds me as I step out of the Ship for the first time. This is my first time seeing the sun from a real dirt ground and it’s not even mine-my sun, my dirt, my ground-not that Earth’s sun ever actually existed as we thought it did.  
Purple-red sand stretches out in front of me in all directions, miles and miles of nothing but desert dunes. Adjusting to the three suns in this new sky, it becomes apparent why the sand is such a strange colour; the first and biggest sun is yellow, the second in size is blue and the last is a soft brown.  
So, this is Bextarah; the final resting place of my best friend. And nameless others. Stepping off from the Ship’s ramp and onto the planet’s surface, I see pretty much everyone from the Ship dressed in mostly fun and bright colours – a real shock to our surroundings.  
Andy’s volunteers had come out here once we had landed to organise and arrange a set. There are mounds of varying-body-sized dirt displayed in a diamond shape underneath a large white banner held up by poles at each end. The banner has a sweet and simple pattern on it. In the middle of the diamond stands a sign that I can’t read from this distance. Chairs are scattered unevenly between where I currently stand and the rest of the Ship’s occupants.  
The shoes I’m wearing were definitely not made for walking, I decide as I take carefully small steps to try and avoid sinking in the soft sand. I set my aim for the gathering crowd of mourners. I’m nearly there when the group starts murmuring and staring at the Ship. I look back behind me to Devinia and Andy coming down the ramp. The others may be disgruntled by Devinia, but I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to see Andy.  
Instead of walking towards them I stay put, with my arms open to Andy. They gently hug me when they reach me, and I feel suddenly fragile, as if the hug will break me.  
Devinia whispers something in Andy’s ear, they nod, and I can’t help but feel something…like sadness, but different. Devinia bravely walks through the mass of funeral-goers and stops just before the first unmarked grave.  
I watch attentively as the young woman gets to her knees. I can only see her back from here, but her shoulders rise slowly and her back straightens and I can tell she’s taking a deep breath. Is she meditating?  
Larkspurs burst from the ground instantly in front of her, with rubies surrounding the stems. More pop up at the foot of each sand coffin and I hear some people gasp. I notice that my mouth is wide open when my throat gets painfully dry. I rub my eyes and scrunch up my whole face and when I look forward again there are only more flowers and gems.  
Devinia is now standing with her arms raised above her head like a conductor. They grow their way up the poles sparsely and the red stones from the ground are replaced with black and gold ribbons. Once the banner has been decorated, she comes close to the ground once again and spins herself in a slow circle. The rubies have returned with the light purple plants and are closing a circle around the diamond graves.  
She seems to have finished and we are all stunned silent, in the best of ways. I don’t know how to begin to understand what I just witnessed, but it was beautiful and magnificent.  
Andy turns to me with a small smile. “The larkspurs are for Ruby. And, of course, the rubies.”  
“Thank you.” I nod.  
“I better start, then.” They say, and I follow Andy to where Devinia still stands in front of everyone. Andy goes up to the sign in the middle of the small mountains as Devinia takes the seat next to the one I choose.  
I nervously say “Thank you for that, it was amazing and it really means a lot. You didn’t have to come out here, but I’m glad you did.”  
“It was my pleasure.” She says sweetly in reply.  
“If everyone would please settle down.” Andy asks clearly. There aren’t enough seats for everyone so some people remain standing. “Thank you all. I need to be honest and admit that I myself have never been to a funeral, much less officiated one. I don’t know many of these people as well as I would have liked, but you all do. Did. All I know is that as long as they last in our hearts, they will continue to exist, and always be with us. I’m going to open it up for anyone to come up here and say what you feel you need to say; to honour our friends, remember them. Share your fallen with those of us still living. Tell us about them, say goodbye to them.” Andy ends with a not-quite-out-of-place “Thank you” and walks straight to me.  
It's horribly silent for a few seconds, and I expect a cough or sneeze from an elderly person, or a baby to start crying. But no noise comes, which makes me antsy.  
Okay, fine, whatever, I’ll do it. I’ll go. My brain understands it but my feet don’t. “Andy.” I whisper, and they give me a little nudge forward, which puts me in motion. I don’t think about the journey from my seat to the sign, but I somehow weave through the bumps of disturbed ground without tripping over. I really don’t like public speaking, I don’t even like people. But I know that this is not about me, and it’s even about Ruby. Funerals are for the people the dead leave behind. It’s for us to process...or some shit.  
“Here I am.”


End file.
